Ever since I got back from the trip down South to see my mother, I\’ve been at the bottom of a CFS well. Whenever I try to scramble up its slippery walls, the CFS gods shove me down again. They are angry at me for traveling, for attempting to maneuver my limp mother to a more comfortable position in her bed, for resuming my regular routines after coming back. I may have to stay quietly in the well a while, until the gods forget about me.
Meanwhile, inspired by Bridget\’s post, http://south-city-musings.blogspot.com/2010/11/some-good-news.html, I have made a list of good things around and in me:
1. We\’re in the grip of a raging nor\’easter, and the house is being pelted with sleet, snow, and freezing rain. I am inside.
2. Bisou is cuddled up next to me, on the fleece afghan that is now hers because a) she loves it so much, and b) she has chewed a corner of it.
3. There is food in the fridge and freezer for a healthy dinner tonight.
4. Nothing hurts.
5. My kindly spouse will stop at the bookstore on his way back from town and pick up two books for me. If you have a phobia of being stuck in airports without a book, you can understand mine of being bookless during a CFS relapse. The books are Joanna Trollope\’s The Other Family and Sarah Waters\’ The Little Stranger, both of them sure to be well written while not overly taxing the brain (I lose about 30% of my mental capacity during a CFS relapse).
6. The frustration and despair of the last few days have evaporated, and now I\’m floating in a kind of Buddhist bath, having let go of desires, detached from outcomes, and anchored myself in the present which, taken moment by moment, is not all that bad.