The Pigs’ Reply to You-Know-Who

It has come to the attention

of members of the porcine nation

that you abused a news vedette

using “piggy” as an epithet.

Simple, feckless, ignorant man!

Don’t you know the hoggy clan

features creatures whose IQs

often more than surpass yours?

Boar and sow, and piglet too,

we are playful, clean, and true,

and in our natural state

we are seldom overweight.

Was it really your intention

to focus the country’s attention

on questions of body fat?

You’ve no more sense than a gnat!

Cease your silly schoolyard taunts

and get thee away from our haunts.

But as a helpful parting shot,

we will leave you with this thought:

those who in glass houses dwell

would proverbially do well

to guard against the temptation

to indulge in lapidation.